If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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