he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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