Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize