A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize