I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
