you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
