Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
