let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
