it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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