this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
