I just saw a hot homeless man
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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