eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
