Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
