Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
