i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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