he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
