Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize