How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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