I looked at my own cervix.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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