it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
