You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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