i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
