Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
