So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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