remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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