My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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