If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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