you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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