just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize