She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
should my penis look like a turkey
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
