I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
