that's an acceptable place to lick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
