Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
