so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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