Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
