you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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