I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
