I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
