I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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