I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He shit in the fireplace
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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