I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
