One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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