We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
