I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
