Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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