hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
