I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come see our sink grown plant.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
