Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
