he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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