is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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