He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
