Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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