He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
