he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
