Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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