We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We left the knife in your bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
