the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
