Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
