Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
