ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
