and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
True strength comes from lack of pants
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
