She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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