I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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