Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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