you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
