weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
