Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
