Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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