I'm jealous of your bromance
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
