When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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