I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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