I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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