Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
