he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
