I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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